Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
