theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
