3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
