Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
