Porn is love you can see.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My life is pants optional.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
