I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
