it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
