he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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