I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My vagina is officially offended.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
