I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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