Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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