I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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