I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
