I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
