At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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