I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
