I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize