Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
