I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
