i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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