matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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