I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
