I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
