I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
