hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
