Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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