Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need to wash the frat house off of me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
