I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
