Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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