My liver just broke up with me...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
