By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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