I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
