the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
