What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
