I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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