All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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