tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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