maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize