I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
