Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
