We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
