Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
