The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she looked like the before picture.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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