Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
