Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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