Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
