i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
