So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
