the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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