Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
