I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
