My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Damn victory sex feels great
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
