i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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