i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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