I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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