I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
