Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
they need to just BURY HIM!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
