I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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