i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
