i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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