Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
