There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
