I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
