guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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