I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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