trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
