I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize