After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
